Author: Elizabeth Maynard

Sometimes we don't know what to say
but keep talking
as much to ourselves as the other
in search of some bright moment
some rustling realization
that we are, at last, heart

I have kept company with silence
now for weeks
though you may not notice
because I laugh and nod
and ask politely after your people
You know already how lonely
any of us can feel in the heart
of a crowd
and how we learn to talk so loudly
we cannot hear the bell
ringing us home

Some poor soul
makes his living watching me
follows at a discrete distance
reads my mail
unlocks the door
and turns the lights on
to unsettle me

And so he sees
every unguarded moment
when I cannot lift my eyes
to meet myself in the mirror
the places I hide
so I won't count the ways
I have not been what I meant to be

I have given away every distraction
bandaged every bleeding thing
and now I wonder what to do with
a self no longer exhausted and afraid

Introduce me to a room and
I will dream of all the ways to leave it
The kettle is too much
Let go of these little things
A bed needs no lamps
make love in the daytime
if you need to see more clearly
and pages should never be turned
where you hope to sleep

At heart unnatural
contrary to the sun
it its arc across my sky
you counter the clock
the many tocks 
and unlucky ticks
I will not go so far
as to declare disaster
yet must lament
it was withershins
we defined together

What I'm saying is
I do not know the way
I've been busy wandering
pretending I have a plan
I long for the light I see
in the eyes of those
who emptied their hands
stopped climbing
and met the still and silent
center of themselves

Adjectives demand feeling

I am much safer here
with nouns and verbs
objects and actions
as companions

But rest assured
you, too, can defend
from feeling too much
or too often

Just sterilize your words
and your world will follow

Like a wintering bird
I fill my little nest
with objects drawn from other lives
I must find something to redeem
from every disappointment
this succulent fruit
that sparkling word

Today I ache in all the vertebrae
pain my hourly companion

What choice is there
but to do what needs doing?

Stand, sit, walk, wince
Inch forward